Tempus, it doth fugit

hourglass

Looking back over the Liver Anniversary Vacation, one conversation stands out to me.  On the actual one year date, Sean and I were talking about how people always ask, “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” when you are coming of age.  It’s a pretty interesting question to think about when you’re all grown up.  5 years then seemed like such a long time.  Now, 5 years is nothing.  It’s a whisper…a flicker…a sneeze…then *poof* gone.  You’re left baffled, looking around like time is some tangible thing you can catch and shake the crap out of for running so fast from you.  As a former lifeguard in my youth, I kind of picture time now as this bratty little kid that won’t stop running around the pool no matter how many times you blow your whistle at him or sit him out.  The little shit will still keep sneaking out of his chair and running around when you aren’t looking. 

So interesting fact – when we had this conversation on the one year date (11/16/16) – we realized that looking back 5 years ago to try to think of what we both thought would happen in our lives that the date would have been 11/16/11.  Kind of interesting if you are into numbers and meanings.  I digress..

So where will you be in 5 years?  I will have made it half way to the 10 year survival mark that is so crucial for transplant patients.  Being alive in 5 years will be a huge milestone for me now.  Well, I guess now 4 years from now that is…

Where was I 5 years ago if I were to ask my former self the same question?  I was in the 6th year of a now former marriage.  I had just moved to Galveston Island and across from a family that would forever change my life course in a way I never could have imagined.  I had spent the spring of that first year living at home with my ankle healing from surgery.  The last time I would have shared morning coffee and kisses goodnight from my mother (still necessary as an adult, I promise).

What has happened in the last 5 years?  Divorce, PhD pursuit, mom’s suicide, new relationship, liver transplant, sobriety, said goodbye to 2 furry puppy friends, relearned to walk, learned what it was like to be on life support, began being a stepmother figure to a little girl, moved 3 times, got in 2 car accidents…that’s all I can remember off-hand..

I’m sure everyone’s “last 5 years” are full of equally hard and wonderful things.  Despite my last 5 years and my current 5 years I can’t honestly say that I feel remotely #blessed or #happyaboutit ~ but I can greet and make peace with both with somber reflection and respect to those memories and future ones.  And hope that in 5 years I am able to say the same.

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