Hospital food and Irony ate my brain…

Sometimes when I’m in the hospital and have been held hostage on NPO for days (NPO = no food or drink, just IV fluids)  I get monsterously hungry until when I’m finally allowed to eat.  So over time I have found ways around getting to imbibe what I want once I’m able to eat.  Disclaimer:  I do not endorse doing this and have had adverse side effects from the actions I am about to describe lol.  So ways to cheat on your diet when diet restricted at the hospital. 


When you’re on a post transplant diet you get a certain number of carbs you’re allowed to eat per meal.  And some of the options are a little ridiculous.  Example.  I can order scrambled eggs, turkey bacon, a slice of cheese, and a flour tortilla all separate, but if I ask for a egg, turkey bacon cheese taco I get told no. 


Also…I can order turkey as an entrée (a good slice of thick turkey) and 2 slices of regular bread, but not a turkey sandwich.  Solution: order the bread, the turkey, and a side condiment of mustard, lettuce or whatever else you want to assemble yourself. 


Another way I have found to cheat the diet restriction is to order a guest tray for a “guest” that is visiting your room.  They do not check if said guest is there, but you can order anything off the full regular menu which includes make your own pizza and apple pie.  For anyone reading this staying at Methodist…you’re welcome. 


However, I really shouldn’t be encouraging this because in all honesty the best item they serve is on both menus…the grilled ham and cheese.  Even when I’ve been home for months I still reminisce about the amazing gooey-ness that is their ham and cheese sandwich. 


       But isn’t this the perfect metaphor for appearance versus reality.…I look how I am supposed to in my hospital bed, but I’m cheating on what I’m allowed imbibe….Here’s a better version of what’s been on my mind lately: I can walk out in the open and not get called out except to be called “FAT” because my abdomen hasn’t quite healed yet or as our local pizza guy knows me as the girl with “the scars all over her neck“.  Yea my hospital food hacks might not be the best, but then again lets question what actually is honest in reality….honestly.  Who does what just for appearances…..who judges others by their appearances… one of my favorite cousin-in-laws told me the other day, “i’d rather be overweight than an asshole”… true.  I can sit there in my hospital bed pretending everything is ok, I can look at how others treat me by judging me on my weight (also another person from FB during my liver ordeal awesomely reported, “OMG have you seen Leah, she’s freaking blown up fat”….thanks Captain Shallow) or dislike my posts but like others that make themselves look good…..and you know what….that’s fine, karma friends…karma.  I may not have come into this world on my own terms, but I am going out on my own….and I’m not done yet and I don’t care what size I leave on as long as I’m surrounded by love because anyone can make their body into a certain shape, but not everyone leaves this world surrounded by true..unafraid..amazing LOVE.  



2 thoughts on “Hospital food and Irony ate my brain…

    • hahaha 🙂 thanks! funny thing is i can totally see Charli finding my food hacks if she ever was in the hospital (God forbid of course)….but i can see her telling the nurse and food order lady theyre crazy 🙂 🙂


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