Ah…today, i think…

(Today’s Fine Print: Tomorrow we will resume our regularly scheduled posts about actually in hospital experiences, particularly ones I’ve been asked about, but I thought this was appropriate for today.)

Some days are serene now….don’t be fooled by some of my more serious and sad posts.  I do manage to allow true happiness seep into the cracks of my existence.  The calmness in the morning with my coffee…looking out into the new garden I am working on outside…

garden

…seeing the picture of my mom and dad on a sled that sits on my desk in my home office.  This definitely isn’t how I envisioned my life going and subsequently ending eventually, although I always had a sneaking suspicion I would never fit the proverbial mold

mom dad

Although in my opinion that mold is over rated, for some – i mean this statement in every ounce of respect, but those of us were never meant to follow that…and it doesn’t make you or me wrong.  If you’re happy in it, then more power to you, from what I’ve heard it’s amazing and fulfilling and everything you wanted your adulthood to be…it’s just not for me, and sometimes others… 

save

Sometimes I think my life would have gone very different if I had chosen that path…husband, children…but looking back only makes you run into stuff and bump your head.  Though, today I am having one of those happy calm days…this version of my life is ok, and that is more than most get to say.

new house

 I’m sure something will come along shortly and attempt to derail it (because that always happens haha) BUT I’ll get to chose whether to fan the flames or dance around them

fire

Only time will tell, but I will say that getting back into this type of routine, even when it comes with “domestic disputes” over stupid shit like what type of noodles to cook with the chicken for dinner, it’s nice…I will take that any day ever after this last year.  It makes me forget all of the bad, all my terrible scars, all the loss of what I once thought was important and I embrace the weird, wild and wonderful that is what LIFE was meant to be.

im ok.jpg

So to end this post…which started happy I’ll admit..but ends serious which still doesn’t mean it’s not happy.  Life is at it’s most beautiful when it’s dirty, complicated, fought for, and keeps you up at night.  That’s when you know you are living for something worthwhile…and i hope subsequent love peaks in throughout that process.

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